The following Text is a transcript of an Interview given by Jesus Christ in 1987 for Vanity Fair, describing his first concert experience at a Kvinna-Show on the desert planet Jukasi3.
So I was down on Jukasi3, knockin‘ back a few cold ones. You know, down at this shithole near Shizatu, the one with the cute little strippers. Love that damn place. There were those guys, hangin’ at the bar. Three total lunatics, wearin‘ nothing but denim and rabbit paws ’n shit. So I was sittn‘ there, mindn’ my own damn business and those three nutjobs enter the little stage in the corner. This one guy, the dude rockin‘ a worn out Trucker-Hat, the one with the big ass 4-String. He was grabbin’ the mic, frenchkissing one of the strippers on the way up stage. The only line that came out of the guy was „We are Kvinna, this is Türborock“ and then the room ex-fuckin-ploded.
The first riff hit me right in the nuts like a freakin Monster-Truck. Moments after they went into the first song, I had lost control over my body. My fist, punching holes in the smoke above my head. It was like 20 seconds into the song, when I realized, I was shouting the hookline, screaming on the top of my lungs, I am not shittn’ ya. Never heard the song in my goddamn life and now I am fan number fucking one? This shit can’t be real. I looked around. The girls in the room just collapsed, beautiful agony in their faces, orgasming right on the spot. Totally freaked me out. I mean, what the holy fuck was happening? The last time I saw this kind of musical impact was on good ole earth, back in the 60ties, when I was hangin’ with ma man Jimi. Boy, this dude could throw a punch with his Fender. He would have liked the guys, I’m sure of it.
Three songs into the gig, I was starting to hallucinate. Pictures of weird ass creatures in my head, fucking scorpions and mammoths and devils ’n shit. On any given day, I totally would have freaked, pissin’ my pants while running for the next exit. But, man, this music, it was like a fuckin‘ leash around ma balls, draggin’ me into their universe of chainsaw-motorcycles and space-vampyres. – Jesus Christ for Vanity Fair, Dec 24th, 1987